The Beach

July 21, 2026

We left for the beach this week.

I love the beach. More than anything.

Yet as I was packing, I just couldn't do it. I lost all motivation, and I realized why.

I am tired.

I cried as I admitted those words to my friend and my mom. I am just tired of even the good things being hard.

Grief makes everything a little harder, and some days you just don't have it in you. Deep down, I knew why the beach felt so heavy.

It was the one place we couldn't get her back to. Melina wanted to go back to the beach. We had the vacation planned. But then a brain tumor took that away.

Grief, I know, will always be part of my story. From the day I lost her, it became woven into who I am. Some days, the gray isn't as noticeable. Other days, it can completely overwhelm you. It can make everything feel harder. It can make even the good things feel heavy.

I told one of my dearest friends how hard this was. She simply said, "Michelle, just go. She will find you."

It's amazing how one thought can change your entire mindset.

"We'll see", I thought.

"Can she find us at the beach? Will I know?"

Then I realized, once again, that I had a choice.

As I was packing to leave, I wasn't choosing joy. My heart wasn't there. But I did choose to keep moving forward. I chose to finish packing the suitcase, to feel all the feelings, to explain to my girls that the tears were simply love, and to get in the car.

And sure enough, I walked out onto the beach, and there she was—a rainbow waiting for me as soon as I sat down.

All I could think was, "She found me."

And in my heart I heard her say, "Oh, Mommy... I always will."

For that moment, the gray faded, and all I could see were the colors.

Grief can steal the light. It can steal the joy. And sometimes, that's okay. That will always be the hard part. And loss is hard.

But I've learned that joy isn't the absence of grief. Joy is the choice to keep moving forward, even when your heart feels heavy. It's packing the suitcase. It's getting in the car. It's walking onto the beach with tears in your eyes.

A beautiful little girl taught me that we always have a choice. Every single day, we can choose joy—not because life isn't hard, or because there won’t be sadness.

But because somehow, when we choose joy, we often find it waiting for us. 💚🌈💚

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