Not Even Death...

June 14, 2026

For the last month, my world has been all over the place—from crazy hours and constant changes to practically living at softball fields. The days have flown by, and there have been moments of both tears and joy as I’ve watched my girls grow.

It’s hard to describe, but you take in each day as the “new normal” that six years of grief brings you. You live day to day. You try to keep perspective, focusing on the good moments and trying not to get caught up in the things we know are trivial. If losing my baby doesn’t give me perspective on what matters in life, I don’t know what will.

I watch my girls grow and learn, and I feel their struggles more deeply than ever before. But the same is true with their successes.

What may seem small to others can feel like a national championship to us.

And that can be a roller coaster. Yet I can’t undo that. I can’t change how my heart reacts now, because I can’t tell it that everything will work out. Sometimes I know it doesn’t—at least not in the ways I think it should.

And in all this chaos, I have felt this ache just beneath the surface. My heart knows the timing. My heart knows what date is fast approaching, and I wish it didn’t. I don’t want to remember the end of Melina’s life. I don’t want to think about the date I lost one of my greatest gifts. But it’s right there, and I know it. June 24th will be here soon, and my heart knows that.

Grief is not just a battle of thoughts. It is a battle with your own heart. How can I ever tell my heart to love less? To hurt less? To minimize the small wins? I can’t. And I don’t want to. I realize it is because of my heart that I can feel the love I do. That I can feel the joy. That I can feel the pain. It all comes from the same place—the deep love I carry.

My greatest struggle in life now comes from my greatest loss. I struggle because I would give anything to change the outcome, but I can’t. Yet I would never want to change the love. That love brought—and continues to bring—my greatest joys. Joy from the love my heart gives to the two who are here on this earth. And joy from the one who reminds me that no matter what, nothing can ever destroy the love between a mother and a daughter.

Not even death.

And always when I need her most, my girl reminds me that as long as my heart is open she will always be right there.

💚🌈🎗️