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December 17, 2025  Christmas is Hard... Every day is hard, but there’s just something about the holidays—especially Christmas—that makes grief so much more challenging. It doesn’t help that Melina was my Christmas girl. She’s probably the reason I have six oversized trees in my house. In fact, one of them was purchased on her birthday, the year we lost her. It’s hideous, yet perfection. It’s rainbow—and I don’t mean the lights, I mean the branches. It’s full of ornaments that

September 12, 2025  Understanding Pediatric Cancer Tonight I was focused on this weekend, the Choose Joy Event. And every time I think of this event I can’t help but laugh, cry and feel everything in between. This event started shortly after Melina’s passing in my parent’s front yard. We literally just gave away free things and people just gave donations. Melina’s amazing friends raised $8,000. After the event every one of them knew their friend was still gone, yet for a mome

June 17, 2025 As five years approach, June 24th, I can’t figure out what that means. I never will. Time will always keep passing. What I do know is that for the last five years I have learned to live in the moment. I focus on where my feet are. I can’t get to far ahead because that creates uncertainty. I can’t focus on the past because if I did I could not walk. I used to think every step forward was a step away from Melina. From her place in our lives. But I have learned ove

Over the last four years my life has been divided. Life with my Melina, life prior to a brain tumor, and life without Melina. I hate that. I hate how a diagnosis can truly divide your world. I have a before and after Melina. How can one word, cancer, tumor, define everything. But does it? This past Saturday I was running at a marathon (just a mile). I was screaming from the rooftops for the people running their hearts out for my baby’s mission. As I was in my car driving with

November 7, 2024  As a counselor I have spent time learning, studying, and helping others understand the stages of grief. And, in my life, I have lost people whom I’ve dearly loved. However, what I couldn’t have expected is the incomparable depth of grief connected to the loss of a child, at least in my heart. It feels like it is, and will just always be, wrong. It’s just not the natural cycle of life. I have spent a lot of time over the last four years — more than I can comp

June 24, 2024 Melina, You will always be my reason. You will always be my why. You will always be my beautiful baby. I got up today, I didn’t want too. I walked with you. I cried for you. My heart broke for you a million times over. I never dreamed I would be strong enough to do this day 1,460 times. But that is all today is. June 24, 2020 marked the start of life without you physically. And the painful truth hit me today. I held you for 1,460 days. And now I have lost you fo

May 22, 2024 One day that I will forever hear “there is a mass on your daughter’s brain.” Life, as I know it will never exist the way it did before this day. I will never be the person that I was and I never want to be. When I think about this day, though, I think of the heartbreak and my baby girl. All from the pediatric brain tumor that 32 days later took one of our greatest gift. Unfortunately we never forget those days that shatter us. But the further you get from the ac

February 14, 2024 Grief and time. This is a topic of conversation I recently had with one of my closest friends. We talked about how when grief first starts you don’t remember days, weeks or even months. I’m pretty sure I lost a year of my life if not more. But one day you “wake up” you look around and see that life hasn’t stopped for everyone else. While I felt like the world was no longer spinning, people were working and at home celebrating with their families. As they sho

I have been thinking a lot about our Foundation lately. I don’t know if it’s because of Christmas and it’s just that time of reflection, but I see more of the loss and the pain this time of year. My heart breaks for those experiencing their first holiday or their 25th holiday who are suffering with grief. My heart aches for those that long for their loved ones. And I go numb thinking about the loss of my baby. This time of year is both a gift of magic and a gift of heartache.

November 15, 2023 Baby girl. I hate this. I hate all of this. Today is just not right. Today is a day that mommy wants so much to make you proud. But honestly I can’t find that fight today. I miss you more. Every year I keep thinking, I can do this. I can work today. It will be easier. And I realize no mommy is just a mess. It will never be easier. In fact the pain is greater. My brain each year is grasping forever more and more. I start to focus on the what should be. What w

November 1, 2023 So recently I was at an event and for the first time I saw this happen. I watched a mom say to her friend “is that her?” and point at me. Now I would love to believe this was over my amazing athletic career or my lottery winnings, however I knew what she was referencing. Yes, “I am her”, the mom living everyone’s worst nightmare. Now I know with all my heart this person didn’t mean one negative thing by it. And to be honest I can’t even picture who it was. I

The last few weeks have been hard. I haven’t been 100% myself. I’m present. I have been at events. I get through a day. I smile, and laugh. But everything just feels heavy. I know what is approaching. And as much as I want to forget it. I can’t. I don’t want to remember the day I lost my baby. I don’t want June 24th to have a significance. I don’t want it to happen. I just want to wake up and find out it was all a terrible joke. Yet everyday I feel further from that truth,

April 27, 2023 So the unexpected part of grief is ridiculous. You don’t know when it will hit you. You don’t know what to expect. You go along your day and get blindsided and can be down for the count. But for the first time ever my grief took on totally unexpected feeling. Easter I knew would be hard. I can expect those big days to be challenging. Easter represents the last holiday we physically had with our Melina. My heart just hurts. I’m tired of only having memories. I

April 12, 2023 There are days I just go along. I wake up to my new normal. I take my two girls to school. I blow kisses to the one in the clouds and wait patiently for my signs. I accept my struggles. I feel them and I get through them. I woke up on St Patrick’s like I do every other day. It is more a day of basketball than keg and eggs for me. And everything was going along okay. Until it wasn’t. Again those grief moments. They get you. The sneak up when you can’t even see i