This week has been a tough one. A good friend of ours who lived this torture always reminds me the days that end in “y” are the toughest. And this week I couldn’t agree more. I don’t know if is the fact that we are approaching spring. I don’t know if it is because we have our largest event of the year coming up. I don’t know if its the anxiety that follows the event of failing her and the so many that need this. Or the fact that all she wanted to do was make a valentine box, and she died before she got the chance. But this week has been a week.
My girls and I had a moment this weekend. Sometimes I get so caught up in the heart ache myself that I miss the impact on those around me. When I look beyond my heartache I see the giant crater around us. I see how we don’t react the same. There are days that the anger wins and we all snap when we don’t mean too. There are days where you just hurt and struggle to see past yourself. So this weekend I got stuck. I felt it. I knew it. I tried to do all my things to stop it. But this weekend the days ended in y.
Then Klara asked me about Melina. And for some unknown reason I said to her “but every time you get to go play in a game. Every time you get to pitch or run or shoot you do it for the both of you. You get to take Melina with you.” What made me say this I have no idea. But I saw the glimmer in her eyes and I knew she needed to hear it as much as I did.
Melina always directed us. Bossy doesn’t quite cover it. She always told us what to do and yet we always listened. And I realized in that moment with Klara that we all need the reminder that Melina is with us always and in everything we do.
Melina will always be my reason. Melina will always push me to fight harder. Melina deserved a chance that we don’t give kiddos. She deserved more than four percent. She deserved more and she always will.
Melina knew that we could get caught up in the loss. Melina knew it would be overwhelming because well Melina is smarter than all of us. Melina always had the secret. I realize this now. I know that Melina made me promise the most Joy for her sisters. Melina knew I needed to see her in them. Melina knew I needed their happiness. Melina knew how to make all of us better.
So in the end Melina might have lost her physical battle but Melina always wins. Melina reminds us in all the pain there is always Joy. Somedays especially the ones that end in “y” you have to dig deeper to find it. But in the end the choice is always ours. Today I choose Joy for Melina.
(Six hours post brain surgery telling her sisters exactly where to be, also after asking the neurosurgeon for the second time to have Starbucks )